Monthly Archives: August 2014

WHY ONLINE DATING IS TERRIBLE: RANT II; Tips for Men’s Online Dating Profiles

Hello again!

NOTE: I started this blog post on Nov. 13 2013 and never finished (to give you an idea of how often I start my rants, take a break and then here I am-finally circling back around).

I took a break from online dating for quite a while and well, I am back at it again. (sigh. Meeting someone organically while you eat home cooked meals and watch Netflix proves difficulty).

“Back online”–Each time with a “fresh” approach or “new set of rules.” A clean start if you will. Starting to think my life is pretty good without a significant other though (see past blogs on travel here,). Is this normal?

Recently a friend of mine became single and a group of us sat around (single and non single folk) chatting about dating, online dating, dating apps, how no one talks to you in bars unless it is 1:30am and they are wasty, pick up lines, what’s happening to our generation in regards to dating–and the like–you get the idea.  And so I have decided to pick up where I left in November on this topic and see where it takes me. Hopefully you will be amused/educated/enlightened…or whatever.

If you read “Rant I” I could have kept writing on this topic, but as I got wordy, decided this would be a good starting point to my next post and off to a positive start vs “hating on dating”  and sounding like a bitter hag. So here we go.

First let’s start with MEN– and  your online dating profile approach. And not because I am hating on men, but because I have actually had some of my guy friends (after reading Rant 1) ask for some pointers. Ah, where to begin. (and perhaps there are tips for ladies in here too).

Let me start with saying mine (online dating profile) is not perfect. But it is me. And you need to be you. I have had many drafts and critiques (from men-and friends) and well, after viewing hundreds of online profiles for men (and talking about it with other women who date online as well) here are some of my personal Do’s and Don’ts to your Online Dating Profile, guys. Let’s put your best foot–er, face forward.

I want to break it down first by starting with photos. Yes, the photos-THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF ANYONE’S DATING PROFILE!!! And I am not being shallow I am being REAL. {Don’t act like you don’t just browse photos before (if ever) reading the profile, dudes. We ladies do it too}.

Just as much as guys complain about going on dates with girls and them not looking like their photo (duh we used an Instagram filter, makeup and that post break up photo from our skinny days). I have been on plenty of dates where guys don’t look as good as their photos too!

Do’s and Don’ts of ONLINE DATING PHOTOS:”

1. DO use a RECENT photo. In fact, you should even date the photo in the little caption part ” Mexico, June 2014,” “Last Summer with my friends”

2. Do ask a FEMALE friend which photos you should use. Or shoot, email me-I will straight up tell you if that is a good one or not-I am honest!

3. Do NOT have a blurry photo. Hello, it is 2014. No reason for grainy or blurry photos for online dating. What did you save that in Paint, now it is low resolution, then crop out your family and now you want that to be your main photo online-No, just no. Don’t have any recent photos? What? Have you never been in a photo or hung out with females? Take some! Or shoot, email me, I take photos.

4. Do NOT have a cap and sunglasses on your head in ALL your photos. One is acceptable. When you have it in all of them I (us ladies) assume a few things: 1. you are ugly, or 2. even worse-that YOU think you are ugly 3. and/or hiding your bald spot.

5. I want to discuss Selfies in this bullet but it deserves a whole paragraph…

SELFIES FOR ONLINE DATING:Ugh, I hate Selfies. I hate the word “selfie.” I am (sadly) starting to accept them, but only when used for fun. When I take them personally they are used in Snapchats to my closest girlfriends and I am making the ugliest face possible for giggles. {Call me 14 but I don’t care….Side note: I would care if one of those was ever screen-shotted and placed on the internet-however}

I can see if a guy doesn’t have a lot of photos with friends (ahem, loser who has no friends) or doesn’t have Facebook (weirdo. jk) Some men may have to result in a selfie for online dating due to lack of photos they have of themselves, BUT I still think stay away from the online selfie as much as possible!!!. #selfieresistance ?? #selfierestrainingorder ?? #standupagainstselfies ?? As much as I should hate hashtags (pound signs) I don’t. So there.

There is something about a man taking a Selfie while working out at a gym that I just must say: NO.

Other Selfies I say no to:

-“Just laying here on my couch with a serious face” selfie

-“Just flexing in my bathroom mirror with my bro tank” selfie

-“Just did a side profile of my face because I think it looks cool” selfie

-“Just showing you my hot body in a towel post shower, but not my face” selfie

-“Just buckled up my seat belt and I am in my car” selfie

-“Just driving in my car with my hand on steering wheel, but not looking at the camera” selfie

-“Just sitting here in my car while in park with my dog and my sunglasses on” selfie

-“Just standing here in this public bathroom with urinals behind me” selfie

-“Just clearly laying in my bed being lazy and trying to make a seductive serious face” selfie

-“Just sitting here on my computer at 2am holding the phone high for a good angle so I don’t have a double chin and can use this photo for online” selfie

-“Just dressed up in a suit in my hotel room” selfie

Acceptable Selfies: “I just climbed a beautiful mountain and no one is here to take my photo so I have to prove that I am here with this amazing view and that I conquered this mountain” selfie

That’s all I got for acceptable selfies. haha.

Now, let’s get back to photos for online dating….

5. Do SMILE in AT LEAST one or two of your photos. I cannot tell you how many men post photos of them not smiling. Cool…you don’t look fun at all.

6. Do NOT post 25 photos. I get it, you have been to every stinkin’ country and 6 weddings this year. There’s such a thing as overkill.

7. Do NOT have all group photos where no one knows who the hell you are (I hear girls are super guilty of this too, but just sayin’)

8. Do NOT post a photo with your ex or a bunch of skanky looking chicks in the photo with you. Cool story bro.

Ideally a male’s online dating photos should contain about 4-5 VARIOUS photos, that exemplify the following:

1. You have friends

2. You have hobbies

3. You have a full body and aren’t just a floating head

4. You know how to smile

5. You are not hiding anything (i.e bald spots, missing teeth, a leg, a tattoo sleeve…Now, kids is a separate topic, if you don’t want to show online a photo of your kid(s), that is fine, but a mentioning of having a child should be in writing).


This is a tough one, because everyone is different, but let me tell you bros what I have gathered in regards to what to write in your online dating profile…

Ashley’s Do’s and Don’ts of Online Dating Profiles for Men:

1. DO NOT write 2 sentences/the bare minimum of characters. You sound lazy, like you don’t care to meet anyone and well, uninteresting and on top of that–probably cliche. Was that blunt? Sorry….Just kidding, I am not.

2. DO write about what you like to do. It really isn’t hard. What consumes your time? What do you like doing on the weekends? What do you do when with your friends? What do you not get to do enough of, but really enjoy? What would you do if money and time were not an object?

3. DO SPECIFIC. Now, to sound less cliche (and like other men) take #2 above and get more specific, quirky or funny if you will…So you like going to concerts–where? who did you see last? So, You enjoy getting your hands dirty-in what way-house projects? motorcycles? etc. Cool you like to travel (again who doesn’t?) What’s next on your list? Where do you want to go back to? GET SPECIFIC. Specificity paints a picture, helps people relate. I just made that up, I have no idea what it really does, but it sounds more exciting and less boring and cliche. {Side note if you do not enjoy traveling I would just go ahead and leave that off your online dating profile. haha jk….kinda}

4. DO NOT write “I like to go out, but sometimes I like to stay in and cook or watch a movie” No Shit, Sherlock-everyone does. And everyone puts this in their profile. {However, if you do like to go out EVERY NIGHT-that could be disclosed in this opening paragraph, because that would be different than most.}

5. DO FUNNY. Women love funny. We do. Show that you have a sense of humor, make fun of yourself some or something random and “cute” about you, if you will.

6. DO Disclose. If something is important to you, disclose it! If faith is important to you-say you are looking for someone like minded in that aspect. I think it is ok to state deal breakers in an online dating profile. BUT (and this one is easy to get hung up on…there is a way of going about it). I am such an honest person that in the past guys have told me to take out the lines where I said what I was NOT looking for. Basically there is a nice way of wording you don’t want a deadbeat. Example: Take “I don’t want no scrubs” and translate to: “I really admire drive and ambition” :)

7. DON’T write a novel. I don’t necessarily need to know everything about your life since you were 10. Just like the 25 photos tips–sometimes there is overkill. You have to save something for the dating/getting to know one another phase or as my old broker used to say “Don’t spill the candy jar in the lobby.” Plus no one is going to read it all anyhow.

8. My biggest tip. DO PROOFREAD! You don’t want to sound unedjumicated!! Get a friend to read it over. Read it out loud. A lot of times we know what we meant to say and we read it as we meant it-to ourselves, but read out loud and maybe even bust out a thesaurus on a few words. Double check spelling. Also, don’t write your profile like you are texting and driving. {“wht r u up 2?” bc now u sound stoopid.}

And stop putting Lol! I hate lol. (fine you can put lol, but it is a personal hatred of mine and don’t overuse it). Basically don’t call me for grammar lessons, because I write like I talk, which isn’t the best.

9. Ok this one isn’t a do or a don’t but rather a suggestion. I found profiles with short, concise sentences not only easier to read, but more amusing–especially when in a bulleted/list format. It is easier to skim through, get to the point, be direct, state some important things about yourself and be entertaining…but not everyone can pull this off.

One of my male friends once told me (when we first ran into one another online and I said-“yo critique my profile”): Just think of online dating like a job interview. Your photos are like the resume-You glance through those and they have to be eye catching enough to get a call for the interview. The interview is like the first date.

And then I asked, well what should I write or fix in my profile? And he said: Profile? Guys don’t ever read those.

I would like to think some of us do.

Anyway, I am sure you are bored to tears by now. I hope you found this blog informative or better yet entertaining. I am not sure why I mix my personal and professional viewpoints on the same blog site, but whatever.

**Another disclaimer I would like to mention is that I am not a professional match maker, journalist, dating adviser, know-it-all nor perfect. I am just a single gal with an opinion. As always, thanks for reading and I am sorry this blog didn’t have any pictures for you.**