Category Archives: romance

My Top Dates of 2015 (that actually never happened)

Last year I wrote about my Top Dates of 2014.

And by “top” I mean, pretty awful, but always humorous events to tell about, of course…

This year I surprisingly (and thankfully) don’t have terrible dating moments to share (ask me about Molester Mike when you see me, I feel too bad blogging about this one).

HERE ARE THE TOP 5 DATES of 2015…

THAT ACTUALLY NEVER HAPPENED:

NUMBER 5: Mr. Philanthropy

(He did a ton of volunteering, seemed like a nice dude). Got my number on a Sat. touching base with me, text, text blah blah, I like this, cool, I live in that part of town, blah blah…

Him: let’s get together tomorrow then?

Me: Ah, sorry I can’t plans with friends, but after?

Him: Ah, no time, but we can schedule something next week.

Him on Monday: Proposes Ice Cream at Lick off Burnet on Wednesday. (swoon, he picked a place I was going to be near and didn’t pussy foot, but made a plan)

Me: Cool, that works, see you there, blah blah blah, texty text, blah blah things we both have in common yadda yadda

Him on Tuesday 10:44pm: I have to cancel. I have been seeing a woman that I want to move forward with, best of luck!

Me: Cool, thanks for being up front, good luck to you too.

SIDE NOTE: Is this what guys say now instead of the truth? Is this what he really meant:

“Hey gotta cancel, I can tell I am actually not that interested in you and I just matched up with a chick that’s way hotter”

“Hey you are actually pretty boring over text, so I think I am gonna pass”

I will take the “moving on, good luck” over the actual truth, I guess. Just don’t ghost me-man that is annoying.

winston churchill quote

NUMBER 4: Mr. LOL

(If you have read my past blogs you know my hatred for “lol”) Mr. LOL gets my digits on a Wednesday…it’s honestly irrelevant, but I will tell you we lasted until a Sunday, no date ever planned…but I think I am ok with that.

The next series are his responses/comments in our textversation (literally I am scrolling down and typing in his answers) this guy has so much to talk about ya’ll, I tried, I really did: (note any grammatical mistakes are not on my part, I am doing this verbatim, but he wasn’t that bad, actually).

lol youre so tough.

Lol youre so traditional

That’s sexy to me (no I didn’t send him nudes,  I told him I was somewhat traditional)

Again, I know how to treat a woman you’ll see

I think it’s 50/50

should be

Lol so does attitude

(sends me a photo of a weird seal making a face-I think he’s trying to be funny, it does not pertain to our convo) I ask him if he had plans this weekend –and next few responses:

Lol not really and you?

Gay

Still playing (he is referring to me asking him how his poker game is going)

Lol calm down (I joked no cell phones at the poker table)

I won!

Lol ugh

South.

And then he sent me a photo in the bathroom, with a backward caps lifting his shirt up showing me his flexed abs.

I will stop there. That’s all you really need to know.

(SIDE NOTE: 25 Things Men in their 30s need to STOP doing)

i hate lol

NUMBER 3: Mr. Nanna Helper

Started texting me on a Saturday. Blah blah blah from Austin, family here, has a business dealing with real estate blah blah blah commonalities, that’s cool, oh you like doing stuff to your house me too, blah blah text text text. Let him go, had dinner plans. Seemed like a good ol boy, which I liked.

Him Sunday: Good Morning! Happy Sunday! Blah blah, text, text, told him about news I got that day, blah blah, texty text banter.

Monday: Hey How’s it going, just helping out my Nanna, she lives down the street from me.

Me: I am off to the gym, but let’s chat later. I follow up. Blah blah gym was brutal…

Him: Blah blah I think I am getting sick blah blah what are you up to?

Me: researching vacations blah yadda yadda.. where to go, I love travel (it was late)

Tuesday HIm: Follows up on travel conversation, says he has only been to Mexico.

Me: It happens, do you have the desire to travel more?

Never heard from him again. Awesome.

NUMBER 1: Mr. Eureka

Met a guy when we were out-left him my number. He followed up and it was before I was going out on the lake, so I told him if he could be at Hula Hut in an hour, he could come with. He did, it was fine. Ate dinner with us (left wallet in boat, so I paid). This was in August–it was actually on my birthday. So technically we did go out (but it was him submerged with all my friends on the lake, unsure if you call that a real date).

That night: Texted me he had fun, we should hang out some time!

Me: Yeah, I had fun too and sounds good!

Sep from him: Texty text, blah blah, how are things, we should get together some time.

Me: Yeah, sounds good.

Dec. 8, 8:31pm

Him: Whatcha doin?

Me: about to get some work done

Him: Well damn. My life is pretty 9-5 now so let’s meet up sometime soon.

Me: Nice having evenings open, huh? Sounds good

Him: Yeah for sure

Never heard from him again.

NUMBER 5: Mr. Football

Matched on Bumble (a dating app. similar to Tinder with better quality guys and girls have to write first)

Oct. 16: I opened with “which team should I pick for my win in my eliminator challenge?” and gave him the teams I was deciding between.

blah blah, chiefs, blah blah vikings, blah blah bad picks, blah, texty text, from Austin, text text I went to Tx State as well, oh cool what was your major? blah blah blah. football emjoi, hand clapping emoji,

Asked for my number Oct. 26 (yes, 10 days later) after texting pretty much daily here and there and emojid our way through conversations.

Blah blah, Oh we know the same people, blah, texty text, Austin is so small, “lol” blah, yadda yadda, thumbs up emoji, beer mug emoji, yes I go to that bar too…blah blah blah, emoji, wink face, tongue out emoji,

Last Text Sent: Nov. 5

Never had a date, nor a phone call, but we sure did “talk” a lot of football and I tip my hat to a few of his correct picks, helping me through quite a ways. I also used emojis I hadn’t before, so that was a for sure perk.

football pretty boy

And that ladies and gentleman (sorry to report, Mom and Dad) is me “dating” in 2015.

Oh wait, there is one I forgot about!

Bonus round!

I deleted him already but it basically went somethin’ like this:

Mr. Foot Fettish?

Him texting me: What do you do, what do you like to do, do you want to have kids, what do you look for in a man, blah blah blah. What made you decide to reach out to me?

I joked: I didn’t, you reached out to me. (he wasn’t really happy with that answer-we met online, he emailed me, I wrote him back).

Him: blah blah blah, California, new to Austin, yadda yadda, I live DT here, yadda yadda software sales, blah blah wine emoji, treat ladies right blah blah and we texted quite a bit that first night (as I wrote out my xmas card list and watched the Good Wife in the background). We texted about meeting up in a few days, tossed around ideas.

Him: I treat women right blah blah blah. I take care of myself and get pedis (which I have nothing against). blah blah texty text a lot, where ya from, holiday plans, blah blah, do you like what you do, where all have you traveled, airplane emoji, blah blah blah, yadda yadda,

Him some more: I lived in LA forever.

Me: Really, did you like it? I think it is kind of pretentious, but maybe I should visit again.

Him: OMG yes I love LA, it is the best you must visit again! Do you get pedis?

Me: When I can.

Him: I think you can tell a lot about a woman by the way she takes care of her feet.

Me: Well then, I think my feet say-she’s a hard working woman that doesn’t make time for a pedi sometimes. haha

Him: Send me a picture

Me: No, I am busy

Him: Come on, if you don’t send me a pic, I am not taking you out on a date.

Me: I am not sending you a photo of my feet. I actually still have boots on anyway.

Him: Well no date and wine for you until you send me a picture of those feet.

Me: Ok

–And that was that, never got that wine–

foot fettish

(come on, I had to post that image above, too funny, thanks Google images)

You are welcome.

Bring on 2016…and the dating revelations (inspired by Aziz) I will attempt to put into play.

What I am currently Hearting: The September Update.

I may have skipped August as it was a busy month of moving into my new casa, filming with HGTV, and working on stuff around the home {so naturally my home would look cute on National TV.} ha. Now that the boxes are put away, the weather is turning cooler, Football season is back, I thought I would write on a few things I am hearting this month!

Here we go…

1. Aziz Ansari’s book: Modern Romance.

I finally finished it and now both my hard copies are lent out. (I have two because I went to the Paramount for his promo event for the book after I already bought it). It isn’t just for women either. It’s a great read for our generation and alike-single or married, and research driven by focus groups, experiments with Psychologists, with a touch of humor and an overall easy read. The book has topics from Japan’s declining population, the best photos to use for online dating, and why we need to quit going on coffee dates. I took away a lot from it (and need to update my last thoughts on dating because of the read). I hope to apply a few pointers I liked in the book to my oh so fun dating life. Stay tuned for a blog of some sort, I’m sure.

modernRomance

2. Home Owner Life.

So, after a year or so of searching for homes, several offers on condos and houses, I finally closed on one of my own. (Took me long enough to take the plunge!) Like most people say, “I wish I would have bought sooner,” however I try not to live in regret, I was just preparing for the right time for me. I am digging home owner life. Side note: I also feel good about the advice I have given my clients in these past few years–as I am actually now following all the tips and pointers I usually advise to clients of my own. One thing I really like, that I didn’t think I could care less about in a home is my backyard. It’s huge with a nice deck. In fact, I am sitting outside right now typing this in my new patio chairs. So much room for activities! Is it more expensive per month than my last rental? Absolutely. The payment, the bills, the upkeep. Is it all worth it? So far, yes. But maybe I will be singing a different tune in a few months (keep you posted). I feel more like an Adult than I ever have before and that’s kind of scary, because there is still a lot of life to live. ha. I look forward to hosting dinners and parties, and updating here and there (seriously the list is endless, but under control for now) and I have already mowed the lawn, painted inside and exterior, painted my mailbox, got a security system, hung patio lights and changed the air filter…#adultingsohard

so much room for activities

3. Austin City Limits Music Festival 2015 Line Up

Yep, it’s that time of year again! This coming weekend is ACL Music Festival. Now, I am not this huge music junkie that goes to ALL the festivals and camps at Bonnaroo and knows all the obscure bands, BUT I like ACL. This year there are some really great acts and I am even torn between a few bands on the schedule here and there (Alt J or Of Monsters and Men? George Ezra or Gary Clark Jr–you can see GC locally). The weather (usually) is pretty awesome, the music, the friends, and oh the people watching and outfits!! I mean, does the weekend get any better than: listening to some of your favorite bands, learning of some new bands, the funny home made flags, eating Austin’s fine food trucks, having the Zilker grass under your toes, and somewhat disconnecting because you get no service?! I think not. Yes it’s crowded, yet it’s hot or rainy, yes the lines to the porta-potties are long and drinks are pricey, but who cares?! Another interesting thing a friend brought to my attention, and I would have to agree is the comradaree during ACL. There is no VIP (ok there is but it isn’t this huge section of people rubbing it in your face). Everyone in a sense paid the same price. Everyone polices themselves and makes walk-ways and apologizes for stepping on your blanket. You are there, you’re happy and you can go do in essence-whatever the f you want to do. I almost like doing it old school and “meet at the orange Capital statue at 4:45” so we can head to the show we want to see next. What else is nice about that schedule is there is no “wondering what time the headliner is going to come on?” The schedule is kept tight for a reason and it is so you don’t have to guess and you can see all the acts you want to. Friday can’t get here soon enough. Hope to see you there, friends.

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