I have so many thoughts and interesting conversations on this subject (see past blog) that I have decided to write a little more and break these posts up into a mini-series. So we will call this one…
ONLINE DATING IS TERRIBLE: RANT 1, THE APPROACH.
Note: If you met your SO (significant other) online, that is all good for you. I am happy for you…many of my friends have. Don’t tell me not to be negative about finding someone. I am just being real and I bet you can TOTALLY relate to this post as you have tried to block the bad memories of before you met Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Momma always said, “Dating is a numbers game.” The problem is-I only have so much time (and can only count so high) to play this so called “game.”
I don’t even know where to begin. I was scrolling through Facebook this evening, per usual and noticed a friend’s post say “Match.com suggested two guys I’ve already dated…not a good sign! :)” This has totally happened to me too. The reason being is that really there is no “matching system” with Match.com, ladies, they just know that you put in a mile radius, a height requirement, you want kids someday and you are a social drinker–who gives a shit about any of those core things that really matter and connect two people?! Let’s start browsing.
So I will start here, with Match.com. I will first preface my rantings with this: I have dated online off and on for the past few years and also when I was younger and new to a different city. (So don’t tell me I haven’t done it long enough, believe me, I have). Let’s start with the different “approaches I have taken” with online dating…
1. There’s the “Ok, he doesn’t look that great in the pictures, but seems like he’s really nice and has his shit together and had a nice, well composed email and knows the difference between “their” and “they’re” maybe he is better looking in person, so I will go on a date with him and see what happens/keep an open mind” Approach.
<Fail. This is a bad idea. If you aren’t attracted to their raw photos, blurry photos, prom pic from high school photo, selfie while in a truck with a seatbelt on photo, wearing a hat and sunglasses holding a fish with three other dudes (you can’t even tell which one he is) photo, selfie at the gym to show his tiny calfs photo, sweet photo of him as a groomsmen with mom at his brother’s wedding photo, side profile “Instagrammed up” photo, or the one of him holding a child with the quote underneath it letting you know the child is not his: “Me and my niece” photo–you probably won’t be attracted to them in person. From the bottom of my shallow heart, you really do have to be attracted to the person, unless you’re blind I guess.>
2. There’s the “Ok I am not going to wink, like, poke (whatever) or email first, because if a guy is really into me, he will approach me first and ask me out, I read “The Rules” and I am just too assertive and apparently intimidate guys according to my friends (who are really just saying that to try and make me feel better, because they don’t know what else to tell me) but whatever happens, happens” Approach.
<Fail. Let me tell you what happens….(hear that? It’s crickets.) Nothing happens. Guys are just as big of wussies online as they are in public.
It goes like this: “Oh! A cute guy that’s tall, no kids, doesn’t smoke and also runs town lake (what do ya know!) looked at my profile-score! I will look at his so he sees that I am checking him out, hopefully he will shoot me a line, we both go to the same places etc etc” So you look. Two days later:
“Oh he looked at mine again, I will look at him and maybe refresh his memory that I am looking, after all this is like me looking at him from across the bar, now he should approach me by writing first, after all I am a damn catch!” Maybe I should wink first?..No, no…I cannot wink, because that is too aggressive, and I am afraid of rejection, surely we have a lot in common, he’ll wink or email me, I am the shit….
Nothing. (hashtag typical).>
3. There’s the “I am just going to sign up, not care too much “this time around,” god I hate online dating, why do I keep doing this to myself, I have friends, I meet people, this is just another way of putting myself out there I guess, so whatever happens, happens.” Approach.
<Fail. (well sometimes). This is how approach #3 goes down in the first three days–
1. you feel super flattered-“Oh look at all these likes I am getting on my new profile pic!” “Ooooh another text came in that I have an email on match how exciting, let me go read it…”
2.Text notification: Hunk1956 winked at you. Hunk1956 emailed you. WoW5678 emailed you. MrLonghrnLove emailed you. TxGent512 winked at you. blah blah blah…
and sadly, I realize I shouldn’t complain, there are men interested in me, that’s great… but guess what?:
3. Hunk1956 is older than your Dad.
MrLonghrnLove is 5’3 and 22. (I am 30).
TxGent512 is divorced with 3 kids and living in Temple, Tx
and WoW5678 has no photos whatsoever and that is kind of scary that he has a world of warcraft reference in his username.
Now, let’s dig a little deeper to what their emails say…
(PS All usernames were made up by me to protect the “innocent”).
MEN: What NOT to write when “approaching” a woman online:
1. Hey I like ur pics!
2. Hey what’s up?
3. Hey what are you up to tonight?
4. Hey, I am curious about you and want to get to know you, if you want to get to know me text me at 512……
5. Hey, what’s going on, how is match treating you so far?
6. Wow you’re gorgeous!
7. How are you?! Any weekend plans? You are beautiful and charming and I want to get to know you better, check out my profile and if you want to get to know me we should hang out some time.
(PS I really have gotten some of these messages).
I could go on—but you get the point. What do they all have in common? Only the fact that they are freakin’ lame. Is that what you would say if you started a conversation with a woman in public/a bar/a house party/ among a circle of friends/through a friend/the grocery store or wherever else you would meet a lady?!? Well, I guess you most likely wouldn’t talk to a woman in public…who does any more these days? That’s why you are online, but come on Broseph! A one liner that you copy and pasted to ten different women at 12am is not going to make me interested in you. You don’t have to actually read my entire profile, I will even accept skimming, but if you plan on writing me-you better reference something in there that you liked (and if there wasn’t anything in there that you liked, you probably shouldn’t be writing me) and make a joke (but don’t write LOL I hate that crap)…but women LOVE funny. So learn how to be that.
Ok, ok I know I sound like a total B or a Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy, but it is the truth (for me anyway)! I am an average looking female (I am no Mila Kunis-I get it..but I am also no Dooneese either), I have a lot to offer; I mean I work hard, I workout, I don’t smoke…I am witty (at least I’d like to think so) and I can “dress up and wear heels or be laid back with jeans too” (men seem to reference this a lot in their profiles). Oh and guess what?! I like going out with my friends some nights and having fun AND I don’t mind staying in from time to time either-maybe cooking or watching a movie on the couch. This profile sound familiar? (that’s a whole other rant).
So why is it that I can’t find a decent catch? Are MY expectations too high? Probably. Not gonna lie.
Men think its a “Woman’s world” online…and it is… (for really hot women…who aren’t crazy…wait does that exist? That may be an oxymoron of some sort). Anyway…. there are a lot of them in Austin–hot women, that is (ok and crazy too, but that’s a whole other rant). But really good looking men (IMO) see online “dating” as a sea of desperate women who so badly want a relationshit, (that wasn’t a typo) that it is easy to take advantage of by pretending they want the same…or some are pretty blatantly looking to hook up. And some are just so damn awkward/shy they have to hide online to approach women (I have met them all).
Ok, I am getting long on this so I will save it for my next posts. Thanks for reading and I hope you find my honesty refreshing and not too negative. “Tune” in next time, when I will probably rant about texting…
As always, thanks for reading….