So, last year (and as in year’s pasts) I write about dating in this glorious city of Austin, TX.

Last year I wrote about what makes a good first date (to me) Part 1… Naturally life got busy and I never wrote my “Part 2” which was going to be more so of what NOT to discuss on a date etc. (to be continued in a few months I’m sure)

HOWEVER, after that blog post Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance book came out. I ordered a copy off Amazon and I went to the book promo tour when he came through Austin, since Austin is supposedly the 6th Best City for Singles (speaking of which-Brent and Jaimee you both still have my copies and I did not forget!) I read the book fairly quick.

I found each chapter VERY similar to what my dating situation had been like (as well as many others) and I even put it on my list of things I was hearting back in June, here.

So, my last post about a good first date in sum was: I don’t want to do putt putt, I don’t want to kayak on town lake, I don’t want to do dinner, or alcohol. Let’s just go to coffee and I will know within ten minutes if I like you or not. A girl has to have sparks, and I know pretty quickly if I want another date.

Weeelllll, Modern Romance had a few revelations I would like to share with you (that I have been trying to implement myself).

(Aziz did not give me permission to use the above image, but he should be happy I am totally promoting his book, also you need to watch Netflix’ Master of None).

Basically Aziz had a good point and I am paraphrasing him speaking in a nerdy like monotone voice at his book promotion tour sarcastically imitating a first date “So nice to meet you…where are you from?… Oh cool, yeah… I went to school here and I used to live there …and cool, yeah I work here…yeah cool city…yeah traffic sucks… and I may travel there and cool. Yeah my parents do this and they live here and…(cuts to normal Aziz voice and reiterates to crowd): You are not having good dates because you are not doing fun stuff, you are basically doing an interview and interviews suck!!”

Damn, Aziz. The man had a point. And here all I wanted to do is sit across from a guy and see if he fit the mold of what I thought I was looking for (in addition to making me laugh of course).

So what did Modern Romance teach us about what kind of dates we should be going on?

Revelation #1: Quit going on lame ass dates!

(Literally I think that is the name of the chapter). Go on Fun dates! Do something different! NOT coffee, not dinner (especially at the same place a block from your house that you make all your dates meet you there). Something out of the comfort zone. (Think of that Bachelor episode where they go bungee jumping together…no prob and sounds cheap too ha)

I am not sure about you, (and I consider myself a social/adventurous person) but doing something I haven’t done with someone I haven’t ever met sounds pretty awful to me. Shit, half my single friends don’t even want to talk to “strangers” (aka other friends of mine they don’t know as well), let alone try something out of their comfort zone. However, I do think he has the right idea.

The example he gave was a man who takes a girl to a monster truck rally. 1. Plenty to watch, so not constant eye contact and convo. 2. Probably something she hasn’t done before (Side note a friend of mine said she was taken to midget mud wrestling and she was not amused-so maybe feel out your audience/date before surprising them).

The second point I took from the book that I am trying to implement in my own dating life as well:

As a society we are obsessed with instant gratification and everything being ranked 9s and 10s and those of us who didn’t get married at 25 are holding out for the MOST PERFECT HUMAN BEING FOR US ever. Before we buy a blender on Amazon we sift through the reviews-“hmm this one only has 875 five star reviews, this one has 1408, I will pick that one fo sho” or “the dude spelled “definitely” wrong, NEXT!” We are quick to judge our first impressions of people.

Revelation #2: SIX OR BETTER

When you go on a date, afterward, on a scale from 1-10 if it was a 6 or higher, make another plan for a date. Sure they may have seemed a bit awkward or talked way too much about something weird, but 6 or higher!! After the second date if it  was a 6 or higher AGAIN, make ANOTHER date. You aren’t going to have a 9 or 10 first or second date. If you do, well then awesome, but to his point–we don’t really know someone and come out of our shell for a few times, so give someone a chance (or 4).

I have been trying to do this, however the ball really isn’t in my court as a lady. I feel like after reading the book I have gone on several dates and thought “well, conversation was great, he seemed nice, it was a 6 or better, if he asks me out again I am open to it.” Unfortunately, they haven’t read Aziz. Or shit, maybe I was 5 or less to them. Ah, I am such a loser! Not really.

Either way, it is hard because…let me take you into my last revelation for this post…

Revelation #3: TOO. MANY. OPTIONS.

The book did a study (yes relating to jellies at a grocery store) where they followed up with people who bought a jelly from a display of 20 different types of jellies. Apple peach. Grape. Grape-berry. Apricot. Apple Blueberry. Mixed Berries…you get the idea-a bunch of freakin’ jellies. Then they followed up with the people who purchased a jar of jelly that only had maybe 5 to choose from (again paraphrasing what I remember from the book).

Get this (light bulb moment) People who had less jelly to choose from were much more satisfied. (ring tone) “Hello, remember that jelly you bought a few weeks back at our store and we asked for your info because it was part of a study with that funny little indian guy? How did you like that jelly?”

Person who chose from 20 jellies: It was ok, but I  wish I would have tried that other kind that had the berries in it (insert Debbie downer side effect here-womp womp)

Person who chose from 7 jellies: OMG this is the best damn jelly ever!! (insert Kristin Wiig Target lady all excited).

Now, I don’t know about you, but I ain’t moving back to my home town to settle down and find Mr. Right (for me) or anything. Our ADD society seems to be drawn to the next person that can answer their text or is easy on the eyes. Focus, people, focus (ok, go take your Adderall).

(PS I just googled this jelly image, I am sure it is tasty so give it a try)

Advice: instead of texting twenty people at a time and lining up 2-4 dates a week and playing the field and swiping as you are in 5 o’ clock traffic. Try deleting your dating app and not looking around for the next best thing when you haven’t given someone right in front of you a chance.

Am I guilty of this?–Totally. But it’s 2016 ya’ll, let’s start a revolution! In order to do that, you have to be willing to put yourself out there..and be awkwardly rejected via text message, so be prepared for that too. But not you-when you don’t like someone you won’t do the ghosting, you’ll be honest-and say you aren’t interested. That’s the way it needs to be done.

Now, here’s a quick read on putting yourself out there, in case you needed it (thanks LB for sending this to me and SK).

Stay tuned for my top dates of 2015. The good news is they actually don’t top my “Top Dates of 2014” post I wrote last year!…No, really it is a good thing.

Hola!

As most of you know–because those of you that read this follow me on Social Media, {and let’s be honest– I am not shy when it comes to sharing things I experience} I recently went to Barcelona and Mallorca, Spain.

What some of you may or may not have known is that I was pickpocketed while there. Day 2, in fact. Boo.

And when I tell the story as I replace my cards, driver’s license, update cards on file for auto-pay, etc. I find that it is quite common (even though I knew this before I arrived) and well, things are things. They are replaceable. I am alive, I had a great trip, but thought I would share some travel tips with you all…and let my behavior be a lesson learned for you!

Day 2 of Barcelona: I had some tapas with my travel pal (at La Pepita, highly recommend) and we headed down into the Metro to the Barceloneta area to continue our fun night! So far so good. We had a wonderful bike tour that day (also highly recommend). The metro was hot (per usual) and crowded. Really crowded, which lead me to believe, as all the young people surrounded us that we were headed in the right direction at the right time (Barcelona parties late) as a ton of people got off at our stop. Up to the top of the metro and I reach into my bag only to find my whole wallet-GONE. My favorite wallet. GONE. Didn’t feel a thing. All my cards. GONE. My Euros. GONE. Oh no my Torchy’s Taco gift card was in there too. GONE. Driver’s license- GO—oh well, I hated that photo anyway and need to update my address.

Bri and I doing the Fat Tire Bike Tour (above) and La Pepita (below)

Now, I have traveled alone before and nothing like this has happened. But I have also had my phone stolen when in Rome with a friend. I think I have learned that when I am with my friends I am more relaxed, less observant of what could go wrong and more in the moment of what is going right This is not always a good thing. ha.

My friend reached into her bag–camera-GONE.

Yes, we both had crossover purses on us. Had them in the front of us. The snap on bag was broken. I did not feel a thing. The subway was super crowded so our hands were holding on to the bars above us, trying to remain stable vs being on our bags-as they should have been.

Let me tell you all the things I USUALLY do, {but did NOT do on this trip} 

Ash’s Safety Traveling Tips!

1. Make a copy or two of passport (put one in suitcase, one in carry on,  one in purse)

2. If you are bringing multiple cards out with you (I almost always take the one where I get travel rewards and no transaction fees while over seas) everywhere I go. Leave others in room, home or in another bag etc.

3. When you get cash out, don’t carry it all with you. Duh, I know. Then I usually fold up a little bit and stick it in the bottom of my suitcase as well (even when I am in the states and ESPECIALLY when I am in Vegas)

4. Have the phone numbers written down somewhere or in your phone that are on the back of all your cards along with any other emergency numbers you may need (and don’t store those in phone in case that is stolen)

5. Call your cards and tell them the places and dates you will be traveling.

6. In crowded areas and busy places where pick-pocketing is especially known, walk with your hands on your bag ladies! Always keep purse zipped up and closed. Wear nothing at your hip or back pockets fellas. You will even notice people wearing backpacks at their front-totally normal.

7. Although it can be difficult (advice from Paul, our tapas tour guide–also another thing I REALLY recommend): When you are out-pretend there is an imaginary hula hoop around you-don’t let anyone invade that personal space and when they do-be very cautious and weary. {That goes for you too, close talkers!}

All the above advice, is pretty much what I do when I travel alone. Nope, not this time. My whole wallet was gone with all my money I just exchanged at the airport a few days prior. Luckily I had taken out $200 and exchanged it for a friend and left that back at the room–which I could use for the next few days. (sorry Em).

After the discovery of it being gone, I sat down, turned on Data roaming (I had a travel plan), and started to Google each of my bank’s “theft lines” and cancelled all my cards. This was literally an 8min process and real simple. {side note Wells Fargo tried to sell me something after I cancelled my cards telling me I was eligible for some deal and I was like, “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!” And ended that.} The next day I transferred money from my account to my Mom’s (luckily we have the same bank and it is easy to do online). I then found a Western Union (there is an app too by the way) and attempted to send myself money but you cannot do this from your own account unless you want to wait 4 days. This is why wifi is a must at hotels-so much easier to get stuff done at the end of a long day!

This hotel above had wifi. Downfall: it was only good from the lobby. So we met many people that way. ha. (also recommend!)

You may have noticed that I didn’t blast on social media that my wallet was stolen {wah}. Reason being is

1. I felt like an idiot and

2. I could already see the comments rolling in…”told you so,” “oh sorry that sucks, what jerks!” blah blah blah…

Soooo, instead of dwelling on the negative, it wasn’t the end of the world. I had my camera. I had some cash. I had a way of getting some cash. I wasn’t mugged or beat up or shanked. I still had my phone. Yep. I was going to live-so let’s focus on the positive: 6 more days of wonderful vacation left!

So, my wonderful parents got my money to me after I deposited it to them. Boom. Did this happen the next day? NO because it was Sunday and Spainards don’t do ANYTHING on Sunday-NOTHING is open (side note-if I could not grocery shop on Sunday I don’t know what I would do). So, come Monday in Mallorca I headed down to a post office and there was my money. Ahhh, so nice to have. Not that my travel partner couldn’t have kept lending me money, but I felt like a child asking for 10 euros here and there every time I wanted to buy something. And as Beyonce would say, “All my ladies who independent…throw yo hands up at me!”

That’s all I have for now, hope you enjoyed and always happy to recommend travel tips and advice…In return, thinking South America for my next trip, open to ideas!

Hello, hello! It is the last day of June, but honestly by the time I proofread, add photos and publish, it will be July…where does the time go?!

So, I wanted to share with you a few more things I am enjoying and hope you can benefit from my suggestions as well, in this Summer’s rendition of what I am currently hearting here in the ATX…

1. MOBILITY!!!

I don’t mean it in a transportation sense, but more so how I missed doing mobility stretches and have now added them back into my routine (when I can).

When I did crossfit a few years ago we did mobility several times per week post or pre workout as part of our class (and many of us continued after class as well). I learned to work out some muscle soreness and knots and really enjoyed Trigger Points‘ foam rollers-especially along my IT band and around the knee after squats, in addition to using the lacrosse ball on my shoulders, lats and glutes,  etc.. Since it isn’t apart of the classes of the gym I now attend (CG Arena-what! what!), but more so what one would do on their own; I had not been doing mobility exercises anymore and I can certainly tell the difference! I have had hamstring pain for about a year or so now. The pain would go away, then return upon a workout after intense sprinting, heavy deadlifts, and anything “one-legged” with weights. No, it doesn’t help that I keep working out when I am supposed to be giving my body a rest, but I cannot go a long time without working out-I just can’t!! So I would modify in hopes of making things better. However, since adding back in hamstring stretches with the band, sitting on a lacrosse ball when I work on my laptop and taking a little bit of time after some of my workouts to roll out and pay attention to the pain, things have gotten better. Not completely cured (but again it is my fault for not staying off the leg and stretching longer) but I HIGHLY recommend checking out some mobility stretches if you are tight in certain areas or experience extreme soreness. My hamstring pain was not JUST a result of my hamstrings, but lower back, some stabilizing muscles, my piriformis, and the muscles above my hips (who knew!) remember they all work together, so stretch it all! You can even have a few cheap items at home-I prefer a large PVC pipe as your foam roller (pick up some from Home Depot). And LAX balls come in packs of 2 at Academy for about $6. I found many cool stretches on Pinterest, but Google and YouTube will aid in your search as well. Give it a try!

2. BRUSSEL SPROUTS!

I don’t think you could have paid me in Reese’s cups as a child to eat brussel sprouts, but nowadays so many restaurants have added them to their menu…(topped with parmesan and cooked with tasty sauces of course) that I cannot get enough of them. I am really digging so many restaurants lately having shared plates and fresh roasted garden vegetables roasted.

Here are a few of my favs around town…

East Side Kings’ Brussel Sprouts! You can barely see them, as they are covered by fresh ingredients like cabbage and cilantro etc. and even though I am a sissy when it comes to spice-I still eat these and power through–as they typically make my nose run, they are so hot!

Launderette’s Brussel Sprouts (heavy on the cheese, but I didn’t mind, these are rich, but not too rich and fantastic)

Hightower’s brussel sprouts has a peanut butter taste to it vs standard soy/balsamic type sauce that I cannot get enough of with a little crunch as well.

Fork and Vine’s Brussel Sprouts have that rich taste of crumbled blue cheese on top, but also the crunch of pistachios, this was also on their happy hour menu when I went, great for sharing.

3.AZIZ ANSARI’S NEW BOOK: MODERN ROMANCE

So, I just bought Modern Romance since I will be seeing Aziz in a few weeks here in Austin at the Paramount. I have always enjoyed his stand up and little appearances in funny Seth Rogan/Judd Apatow movies, but his latest Netflix Original stand up in Madison Square Garden where he discusses the woes of dating, expectations and texting  among our generation–and reads aloud one of the audience member’s text conversations– is not only pretty damn funny, but spot on relatable. Plus it is nice to hear that this semi-celebrity goes through the same things as the rest of us! I haven’t even finished the book, but I will tell you it is an easy read thus far and quite engaging. I like the fact it is backed with scientific (yes, studies with humans, focus groups and mice!) that sort of dictate why we feel the way we do–and the games we don’t intentionally play, but are in our nature…and we sadly end up playing. It was nice to read a few of the situations and think, “YES! That has happened to me too! I am not alone.” I don’t think you have to be single to read this–It’s a great read for all, and may help you gain some perspective as well! In fact if you are married and thinking of divorcing, perhaps this book may change your mind about being single, ha.

(Molly sits patiently as I read this one before bed each night)

So a few weekends ago I was a chattin’ with a male friend I hadn’t seen in a while. He said to me, “Ashley, I have read some of your funny dating stories…the guy who brought his friend along…the guy who got really drunk, but how come you don’t talk about your good dates?”

I lightheartedly replied, “Because I haven’t had any.”  And then I added, “Well, good first dates aren’t as funny to write about as the bad ones.” But, come to think of it– I have had good dates. I actually had a pretty good one last week or so. Now, I never heard from the guy again, but that doesn’t mean it was a “bad” first date, (for me at least, ha!) perhaps I just wasn’t what he was looking for?  And that’s ok too.

(PS the photo above is an engagement session of an Austin couple, hope you don’t mind I used this photo for my blog!)

So then Hector (my friend) tells me, “Well you should write a blog on what a good date looks like so we (guys) know.” Well, Hector this one is for you!! (and anyone else who cares to read)…thanks for the blog idea, per usual I have plenty to say….so here we go.

What a good date looks like (to me).

**please remember my thoughts do not reflect ALL women (or men) and my tips come from personal experiences, I am definitely no expert and could possibly have it all wrong.

First, before I begin on what constitutes as a “good first date,” I have to add that I am in my 30’s and have been going on dates (off and on-ish) for the past four years (and sharing some of my experiences along the way).  I used to think it was Austin, but I realize it is everywhere. It is the same complaints I hear from women and men and yet the cycle somehow cannot be broken. Having a positive outlook becomes increasingly harder as you go on yet another bad (or sometimes good-just “no spark”) date and the instant gratification of our generation’s “always looking for the next best thing” attitude doesn’t seem to help either…but I digress.

So in my twenties–I was down for kayaking, putt-putt, RR Express games, dinner, drinks, etc. on first dates. Sometimes I had two in a day! Dog parks, a hike, lunch, a drink on a patio, happy hour, oh the fun… But, now…now I am in my 30s, and it’s a whole new ball game, or maybe same ball game, new teams?

Time has become REALLY important to me and I don’t like wasting a few hours on an insignificant first date…let alone a terrible one. And my time now consists of: quality friends, “me” time, work, health, and well, scheduled activities/obligations. I have now had plenty of years texting away, going on crappy dates, second guessing myself and would like to think I am closer to knowing more of what I want and who I “click” with for date #2.

Me in my 30’s…

Also while writing this blog, I realized it isn’t the actual date that makes part of it good, it is the part leading up to the date that makes the date kinda good (I would say 35%). I say that because I feel like the last few guys who have actually asked for my number have never asked me out. I am not talking “asked for my number” because they felt obligated and I pressured them or anything…I mean guys who have gone out of their way (or online dating which is not really out of the way, but specific after several emails showing interest), asked for my number, texted a few times and then NEVER asked me out (despite even asked me out over email: Him: “Would you like to get a drink/smoothie/coffee this week/”  Me: “Sure sounds good, here is my number” Him: text, text, text-never asks. I don’t get it?! I already said I would, then you can’t set it up. ________. Insert the appropriate word you feel to explain this situation here, I have to refrain).

After writing the above paragraph I then stumbled upon this article on “Text-lationships” and I see a little bit clearer now, good advice, thanks Matthew Hussey.

I often feel good about a first date when the following things have happened:

Note that all these will start with “The Guy” I guess you could say I am traditional? If this applies to homosexual couples, then I suppose the one who takes more initiative has to do more work? The alpha type perhaps?, but unsure how that works. I have heard of ladies asking men on dates-but I just don’t buy it.

Part 1A: IDEALLY [Post  exchanging of phone numbers]…

• The guy maybe texts once after he has my number (let’s say this stemmed from online dating or from a dating app)… to let me know it is him, is polite and says he will be in touch, then a few days later CALLS or texts to ask if a good time to chat. If he got number in person-say “I will give you a call”…then, perhaps, actually do it? Just a thought.
  • **TIP** dudes, bros, guys: Sometimes if you haven’t met the girl in person and you are going to take a girl out on a date-a phone call will save you time and money. I think you can tell a lot from a phone call and chatting with someone to see if you actually want to meet.

• The guy–(while on the phone) asks if I have time to get together in the week. I am going to be honest–I do not like going on weekend dates. Yes weekdays can be hard with work, gym, commitments, etc, but if you really want to go on a date, you can set aside a little time. Actually you MUST set aside a little time if you proclaim to not be a single-cat lady at age 45. My weekends are jam packed with things (but if you both agree and have free time, go for it).

• The guy also asks or finds out what part of town I live in. I get it-traffic sucks and I barely want to date anyone who lives South of Ben White ha, BUT when someone takes into consideration where I live and traffic/timing (swoon!!) Women like thoughtful. Sadly, I don’t think this is something that can be faked or learned later really, but if you don’t naturally have this instinct, please remember to ask and plan-it is thoughtful. I don’t mind meeting in the middle if we are on complete opposite sides of town, but so long as I can get it all done: work, gym, shower, beat traffic.. see you there. (most likely 6-8min late because that is how I roll). BONUS points for picking a date place near me!! {Sidenote: Nothing is more annoying to me then the guy who wants to hang out a few hours beforehand. Make. A. Plan}

**TIP** Actually do research. Look at the menu, look at the parking situation, proximity, HOURS, etc.–once I had a date who didn’t realize reverse HH (happy hour) wasn’t on Sunday and planned our date an hour before close, then he complained about the menu being expensive–Ugh, it was the worst, I didn’t eat for our dinner date, I think I had taco cabana after. –read here for more.The guy gives a few options, but ultimately makes a decision. Women want a MAN, not a boy. A confident, but sweet MAN. And a good balance is one that lets said lady weigh some input: what she likes, where she hasn’t been, what she doesn’t eat, etc, but said pursuer makes final decision based on those answers. It does NOT have to be THAT exact conversation that the date place of choice is decided. In fact, it is pretty cute when a guy says he is going to do research and get back to you.

• Guy settles on place and decides during that first conversation OR gets back to me a day before said date to let me know decision. A text is ok to confirm time and place and make sure it still works–also shows her you are thinking about it, and you stick to what you say you are going to do (another swoon).

Part 1B: Acceptable First Date Choices:

• Here’s where it gets “tricky”… Personally-as a girl who is kinda over dating and will know within 10min if she would be willing to see a guy again I do not do dinner or drinks for first dates. However, I still find them as acceptable first date ideas-along with exploring something new or doing something active if you already have a common interest/activity. I have had some bad first dates that had guys getting way too drunk (a few that had a few cocktails before they met with me then continued to get wasted….got a little handsy, were close talkers and some that even invited their friends along on our date). Ay yi yi…

I have also had the occasion where I was going to have one or two and it lead to…ummm four or five? as the conversation was flowing and it wasn’t awkward yet fun. However, then the next day I am hurting and re-thinking all the crap I said the night before that probably wasn’t first date material, the awful story I told from junior high and an insecurity or two. Whoops! (Imagine that).

• **TIP**If you ask a girl if she wants to have drinks and she says “I don’t drink during the weekdays”–or any other reason as to why she doesn’t want to have a drink. I don’t think it should be questioned then. I think it should be respected. Perhaps asked later? I like it when someone can be with me and not feel the need to be drunk.

• What I do prefer for first dates is something simple and easy. Coffee shops! Nope, I don’t drink coffee but I can still find something on the menu to drink. Starbucks is always an easy go to, but this is Austin and there’s plenty of cool coffee shops too. I also like places that aren’t dead silent but have enough buzz and conversation flowing around them so that others can’t ease drop on our awkward first date convo.
  • **This next statements is evident of just what my 30’s have come to, ha** I don’t do dinner dates any more because in the past I have found the two hours+ of talking, the bill and the calories aren’t worth it to me. Do I realize that sounds insane? Yes. Don’t even get me started on the great debate of who should pay for first dates either.

(I find the above stat interesting, the older people get the less they believe the man should pay for first date).

• I also like smoothies/fro-yo and Juice Land…again all for the same reasons as above, and great alternatives if you don’t like coffee. Plus many of these places have patios, which can be nice on a pretty day or great if you are cooped up in the office and take a break

• Time of day is up for debate as well. As someone who makes her own schedule, I enjoy a lunch date or mid-day date in between appointments and working out. For me it almost seems like less pressure and more casual, which I like. The cons: I am in “work mode” and feel like I talk about work too much. And then if you hit it off, an evening dinner or drinks for the next go round is more exciting and something to look forward to.

As you can see I have a lot of thoughts about how to begin even asking someone out on a date. Seems trivial and silly, but often times there is NO first date. I get turned off by the late night “how was your day?,” “cool” “lol, nice” text conversations or the guy who gets number and checks in every two weeks-what is up with that? I think a GOOD DATE comes from when the above items actually happen. It makes things seamless..nice..planned. It’s the little gestures that go far-even if after the first date it doesn’t. I would say, for me, about 60% of good first dates start like the above (my ideal tips to asking a girl out). Doesn’t mean there is date #2, just means at least I had a pleasant time on a first date.

Part 2 will consist of What NOT to talk about on first dates and components of a good first date.

If you made it to here without skipping you are amazing and should email me, I will send you some candy or something. As always, thanks for reading!